*This post may contain affiliate links. That means I may earn a small commission from qualifying purchases or sign-ups at certainly no additional cost to you! Thanks!*
Indeed, it’s hard to deal with someone with a value system different from yours. But it’s double the problem if they’re your partner!
That’s why you’ll see couples trying to compromise in their every decision.
They seek common ground, harmonizing themselves with their beloved.
Fortunately, some find that balance. Sadly, others don’t.
If you’re here working to harmonize and grow your relationship into a more mature and understanding one, here are 12 tips you can adhere to.
How to Have a Mature Relationship
1. Follow a Standard of Truth
Have you ever felt like you and your partner rarely agreed on plans, preferences, and beliefs? You’re too different and are constantly at each other’s throats? Instead of lifting each other up, your relationship became your #1 obstacle.
Extremely ironic, isn’t it?
Your partner sees things differently than you do. They operate with different motivations. In short, they have a value system entirely distinct from yours.
If you’re in this kind of relationship and want to thrive, there’s one solution to this:
You must cultivate a shared foundation of truth. A standard.
Not just any standard but a set of rules and values that actually make sense and lead your relationship to betterment.
What’s right and wrong in your relationship?
Two people coming together from different cultures need to unite to a common standard and moral values, whether based on faith, principles, or agreements.
That’s a hard question to reconcile, yet this is the best way to smoothen out conflicts and build trust.
Where do you find a standard?
Adhering to a standard means following a set of rules used to measure the quality of your relationship. It’s a model you use to evaluate yourself.
Our hearts are fickle, you see. But having a standard in your relationship will ground you.
So, where do you seek such standards for relationships?
I say, it’s everywhere but it actually depends on you.
It could be a constant reconciliation of both of your experiences. Or maybe, following a wise love guru on the Internet, or attending relationship counseling.
It could also be adhering to the advice of someone you look up to – your parents, an elder, or a colleague.
As for us, I’m glad my partner and I found a standard of truth in the Bible and found maturity in it.
As we check in on who we are, our beliefs, and our desires against the standards of God, we slowly realize where we’re falling short.
So, to have a strong rock to stand on, a couple must find and follow a standard based on truth.
No, don’t choose a standard that basically soothes your emotions. Emotions change.
But find a standard that aims to correct your behavior.
May it be grounded on truth, trust, and integrity because that way, you will surely find true freedom, happiness, and maturity in your relationship.
2. Gently Correct Behavior and Decisions
No one is perfect. Not you, not me, not our partners.
But since you already found a standard of truth, it’s important to speak up when you know your partner’s behavior or decisions don’t go accordingly.
If they’re going off track, tap them and remind them of the standards you have discussed. Being gentle and constructive can make all the difference if someone needs adjustment.
Avoid sounding critical or dismissive. Or sarcastic! Please, sarcasm can make a healing relationship turn upside down in an instant.
Personally, I don’t like sarcasm towards me or my partner. I choose to be straightforward (although I’m working on the “be gentle” part).
Frame your suggestions lovingly, showing you care about their growth and the health of your relationship.
And be patient, too.
Don’t expect your partner to change overnight, especially when their behaviors result from years of bad habits.
Give them time. Give yourself time.
It took us about two years of constant correction and forgiveness before we eventually ended up in a more secure and trusting relationship (especially since we are in LDR!)
If both are open to correction and changing their ways, an unhealthy relationship can definitely wake up to a more mature and healthier connection one day.
3. Be Both Emotionally Intelligent And a Rational Thinker
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand the emotions of people around you. You’re not dismissive or tone-deaf to their needs. You manage your own emotions well, too.
Along with emotional intelligence, embracing rationality will also save your relationship from heaps of unnecessary drama.
This is where, instead of pouring out your feelings, you both sit down, grab your pen and paper, and actually organize and analyze why things happen the way they do.
From experience, my partner and I are both empaths. Sounds like we’re a pretty understanding couple, right? I sure hope so! But nope, it’s not always sunshine.
Because we easily feel for each other, I sense and read his overthinking and ill thoughts, which triggers me. And he easily senses my irritation, which triggers him. Oh, you bet our fights seem endless due to our clashing emotions — it was unbearable.
So yes, emotions are important. But to grow more maturely, sometimes, we need to allow our emotions to take a back seat and let the FACTS, TRUTHS, and OBJECTIVITY do the talking.
The standard of truth enters here once again. Having a set of rules is so central if we want harmony.
Whenever we have serious fights, say about jealousy, we break down every aspect of it. I take responsibility if I make mistakes, and he’s accountable to his.
We listen to each other, check if our viewpoints make sense, and compromise. At the end of the day, we’re committed to changing ourselves and being better.
On the other hand, too much frankness can also kill love. Like, hey, some words are hurtful and can easily hit a nerve. So, frame it nicely, balancing both emotions and rationality.
4. Listen Actively Without Making Ill Assumptions
Okay, yes, you’re fully active in listening to how your partner’s day went. Yet, whatever your partner does, you see it in a negative light. This is common among overthinkers.
Do you relate to this?
Often, you feel threatened that their actions will hurt you later on. You fear your partner’s actions will lead them to drift away from you or do something behind your back.
Whatever they do that’s not in your presence, you’re scared. This trait is actually pretty terrifying. It’s always a recipe for disaster.
Remember, groundless jealousy, envy, or anger can distort how we perceive our partner’s actions or achievements.
Sometimes, hunches can be real. But other times, it could also be a play in your mind because you’re fearful. You know how fear can create illusions in your mind, right? Be wary.
When you’re enveloped in fear, whatever explanation will never get through to you. And this hurts not only you, but your partner who’s genuinely trying his/her best to overexplain their situation to you.
Trust and self-worth must go hand-in-hand if you want to grow into a mature relationship.
Again, look back to your standards of truth. What’s real, and which ones are made up of lies in your mind?
Plus, walk in integrity, too, so you wouldn’t fear anything.
Sometimes, people are scared to be cheated on because they know they’ve done it before. Or they’re so afraid they’re being lied to because they also did that to others. Their own flaws haunt them.
Or maybe, they’re the victim.
That said, walk with integrity. Your self-worth grows as you stand on solid ground.
These characteristics make your relationship stronger and more mature.
You might want to read:
5. Show Empathy in Every Moment
Whether your partner is sharing a happy moment, venting about a bad day, or feeling excited about a new venture, it would be wholesome if your emotional response mirrored theirs.
Because why not? Just imagine if your partner jumps for joy at winning a contest she’s been eyeing for the whole year, then your response concludes with a “that’s nice” or more concerned with the “prize money.”
This leaves a bad taste in the mouth.
Seeing how my parents respond to each other like this, I have realized that the lack of empathy grows into resentment. Up to this day, they never expressed encouraging words. Their lurking resentment with each other is older than me – more than 30 years!
They just… live together and are mainly glued only by their children. Saddening when I think about it.
However, when you’re in sync emotionally, it strengthens your connection. Your partner should feel that you are present with them in their joys, sorrows, and everything in between.
This emotional harmony helps build a strong, loving relationship where both feel understood and supported.
6. Be in Service for Each Other
The willingness to serve each other is at the core of any mature relationship.
Of course, it’s not about “what’s in it for me, me, and me?” Sorry to break it down to you, but when you’re in a committed relationship, you can’t be just thinking about yourself.
Do not lean on TAKING but increase your GIVING. That’s the mindset.
Love is about caring for your partner’s physical, emotional, mental, financial, and spiritual well-being.
When you prioritize what’s best for them, rather than focusing solely on your own desires, you create a space where both partners thrive.
Ask yourself regularly, “How can I improve my partner’s life?” “How can I help?” “How is she/he coping?”
Whether it’s small acts of kindness, emotional support, or helping them achieve their goals, these actions create a deep sense of security and care within the relationship.
Cultivate each other to have a heart of service.
7. Make Decisions that Benefit Your Partner
In a mature relationship, your choices should consider how it affects your relationship.
This doesn’t mean losing your independence. I’m pretty independent, so you bet I always act on my goals and tasks.
But at the back of my mind, my motivation is not that I want to up my game for myself. Instead, I consider how my actions impact my partner emotionally, physically, or mentally.
Recently, I struggled to choose between pursuing a career and being a stay-at-home mom. We’re entering a new chapter of family life, so I’m putting a lot of thought into our future.
But in my heart, I’m doing none of these for myself. But I’m thinking, “Which will benefit my partner and family? Where am I needed?”
If you want your relationship to thrive, be careful not to be selfish in your decisions.
Are you choosing a career move? How will it impact him or her?
Do you want to move to another town? Will it be best for your partner?
Do you want to take baking classes? Will this be useful for both of you in the future?
Grow individually, sure. But at the end of the tunnel, make sure you’re growing for each other because that’s the purpose of a relationship – to move together and help each other through ups and downs.
8. Support Each Other’s Hobbies
Be more encouraging about each others’ interests and passions. There is a reason why they’re so good at it and they never get tired of it.
Cheer them on in their creative endeavors. Attend their events, or even try to join them in their hobbies.
It’s where they express their authentic self, and who knows, it could be beneficial and profitable if they cultivate them better. Or maybe it’s just their way to destress and relax their minds.
Maturity is accepting your partner’s hobbies and passions (as long as they’re healthy, fruitful, or profitable) and not nagging them to give up whatever they love.
9. Give Each Other Time for Themselves
Everyone needs space to recharge and nurture their individuality, even in the closest relationships.
Give each other a few hours to read, go out with friends, or pursue a personal hobby. Being okay with having a bubble separate from your partner is a sign of maturity.
It shows that you trust them and respect their need for self-care.
By encouraging time apart, you allow both of you to come back refreshed and more appreciative of your time together.
This is also ideal, especially if you’re both introverts needing some alone time!
10. Allow Each Other to Expand Social Circles
Okay, I admit, I was someone who’s very jealous of my partner making friends with other people.
There was a time when I valued exclusivity so much that I disliked my partner being kind to any other woman. And as an introvert, my thinking was, “We’re better off alone!”
But now that I’ve grown a bit older – just nearing my 30s – I’ve learned that a mature relationship wouldn’t want to isolate you from the rest of the world.
Well, we warn our partners of bad company, but with good people, expanding our social circles makes sense. Their friends are your friends, too.
As we move towards family-making, having good people around you with whom your relationship or family can connect is far more advantageous. It’s more fun!
You might like this:
11. No Yelling During Arguments
We’re both empaths and passive aggressiveness and silent treatment was a thing for us. Later, we saw how destructive it can be so we decided to eradicate this behavior completely.
However, once we decided to be more open about our emotions, it didn’t get better. We activated the monsters in us. We found out how aggressive and confrontational we can be.
Our soft voices evolved into beastly shouts. I loathed it and we had to correct ourselves once again.
If we catch ourselves raising our voices, I think it’s a sign that words are not going through to another.
Just like being with kids… Kids act like they hear nothing, not until their parents raise their voices.
But we’re not children anymore.
Adults need to communicate more maturely. And we need to listen and find a solution to the root problem.
Is the problem my behavior? Let’s talk about it.
Does it feel unfair to be slammed for something my partner is guilty of as well? Talk about it.
Someone must pause and be sensitive about the rising tones.
Better yet, give each other time to cool down before continuing the conversation.
A mature relationship values calm communication, where both partners feel safe expressing their concerns without fear of harsh words, sarcasm, passive-aggressiveness, or anger.
12. Prioritize Forgiveness After Arguments
No relationship is perfect, and disagreements are inevitable.
However, make it a goal to always forgive.
In our relationship, we’re continuously breaking down the chain of pride and passive-aggressiveness.
Have you ever prolonged ignoring your partner just to make them feel guilty? There are times when we want to make them feel regretful.
But actually, holding on to grudges or resentment only causes long-term damage to your relationship. Maybe today, we can keep our pride for a day. The next day, we made it a goal not to approach them for a week.
A small scratch can actually break the fragile glass.
And so next time you have a fight, be honest about the status of your heart.
As for our relationship, I tell him if I’m still struggling to forgive, but assure him that I will, and will let him know. And once I’m okay, I apologize, too.
Forgiveness allows both of you to heal, move forward, and grow together. It’s better to forgive and forget.
Literally. When we aim to forgive and forget, it’s more freeing than holding on to their mistakes and keeping a record of their wrongs.
That’s it! These are the tips we’ve been practicing that tremendously improved our relationship. If you also desire to be more mature in the relationship, rest assured that it’s possible. Give yourself and your partner some time!
Thanks for reading. Have a great day! 🙂
You may also like: