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My partner (Gabriel) and I are currently in a long-distance relationship for almost 3 years.
Like you, I tried to avoid this set-up. I remember telling him that I need his physical presence and didn’t want an LDR. It used to be a deal breaker for me.
He didn’t want that, too. We thought about it over and over again.
But as you may already know, we ended up in this situation and chose to keep the relationship going.
It was a very rough road at the beginning, but the good news is, hey, it CAN work!
And I’m here to tell you how we do it.
Will a Long-Distance Relationship Work?
While challenges like time zones and physical distance exist, the answer is yes, a long-distance relationship can definitely work with the right effort, consistent communication, trust, and shared goals.
It’s not easy, but DEFINITELY works if both are committed and consistent.
I guess another thing that makes LDR successful is when a couple has already decided to settle down and stopped looking for anyone else.
Indeed, love is more than the physical presence of a person. Successful long-distance relationships that end up being together will prove you that.
Now, how do we do this right? What long distance relationship advice could really strengthen your bond?
To dive deeper into this topic, here are 11 tips that my partner and I personally use that have helped us grow and mature despite being in LDR.
Ready? Here we go!
How to Make Long Distance Relationships Work?
1. Always choose to be honest.
You see, when YOU KNOW you did something that might upset your partner, it’s so tempting to just hide it to avoid arguments.
“They’re not going to see it anyway!” Ha, that’s what you thought.
But just as I always say in this blog, the truth sets you free. Meanwhile, lies only entangle you into more lies until you’re trapped.
And worse, I strongly believe no secret will be hidden forever. It will be found out sooner or later, so save the relationship by being upfront early on.
Be honest about the finances, the people around you, your plans, feelings, and thoughts – literally everything!
Be an open book to your partner, and that honesty will grow roots.
Walk with integrity, even when you and your partner can’t see each other all the time.
2. Communicate, but don’t overdo it.
Gab and I make sure to communicate every day, even if it’s just for an hour, whether we’re busy or not.
I’m in the Philippines, he’s in California right now.
At 1 PM, PH time, I turn off my computer despite the piled-up tasks to give time for each other.
And even when he’s at a family gathering, he stays at another room to check in on me at our scheduled hour.
There’s never a day we are allowed to slip because, I tell you, in this information and communication age, it’s SO easy to drift apart emotionally.
“He has his phone. He has Wifi. Why can’t he leave at least a message?”
It’s easy to get the idea that our partner doesn’t care, that they forgot about you, or that they’re too complacent. So please, be involved with your partner every single day.
Talk about:
- How each other’s day went
- What’s the tea (lol)
- Future nearby plans
- Or any stresses they’ve been dealing with today
Daily communication builds a routine and reliability.
However, there’s a caution here.
In LDRs, don’t overdo communication where the constant contact interferes with each others’ job or responsibilities.
Some people can’t multi-task when they’re on a call (like me!), so obviously, they can’t get anything done when calls get lengthy.
Some even crave their partners’ time in the morning, afternoon, and night, but oops, that’s called being clingy and not healthy at all.
In LDR, you shouldn’t be greedy for all of your partner’s time.
Understand that there are other commitments and priorities outside your relationship.
Give each other space to thrive individually while staying connected.
3. Avoid passive aggression.
In a long-distance relationship, avoid passive aggression at all costs.
If something bothers you, say it directly—don’t play games or resort to silent treatment.
Mean what you say — that’s how we do it.
Your partner is not a mind reader, and they don’t see your body language or tone all the time, especially when you’re miles apart.
It’s better to talk it out and fix the issue than move on and leave it hanging for the next time.
Why? Eventually, resentment can grow, and it becomes a silent killer.
It would be unfair for your partner if one day you broke up just because they didn’t figure out your hurts when you’re not even saying it!
Be clear, honest, and open, especially when tensions rise—it’s the only way to keep things healthy and strong.
Express it!
4. Have a schedule of when to talk and commit to it.
What’s his free time, and what’s yours?
Sometimes, if distance is the sole issue, it could easily work. But when different timezones are involved, boy, that’s another level.
Being apart isn’t the sole problem; finding time to keep your connection going is also important.
How do we make it work?
Just accept that there will always be a sacrifice to meet each other’s time. And that’s why long-distance relationships aren’t for the fainthearted and uncommitted.
At the beginning of our relationship, he worked the night shift and sacrificed his morning sleep so he could talk with me at night in PH time.
When he changed jobs and worked on a day schedule, we had to adapt again.
I had to sacrifice and move my 1-4 PM work to the evening so we could talk at night in the US time. Thank God I have a flexible work schedule.
Find time for each other, even at least an hour. Never miss it. Never sacrifice your “talk time” for any reason.
5. Train your minds and hearts to be objective rather than emotional all the time.
The biggest challenges in LDR are fuelled by emotions – lack of trust, unfaithfulness, jealousy, you name it.
I tell you, the repetitive lack of trust will melt you like wax. The endless suspicions will break you over and over again, and the jealousy will stir your relationship from bad to worse.
When these things happen, even when no one’s really cheating or lying, the next thing you’ll both think about is “let’s break up!” for the sake of each other’s peace of mind.
That happens to LDR couples, unfortunately.
But if you want to thrive, at least one of you must wake up to your senses and lead the other to a more calm and grounded conversation.
Instead of giving up on each other, work harder to fix your minds and hearts.
What’s the truth? Am I overreacting?
Am I adding colors to a situation or crafting unnecessary what-ifs based on fear?
Be more rational and put emotions aside for a while. Refer to a strong standard for your relationship.
And where do you get some objective standards?
You can go ask a professional or read articles about love and relationships.
But as for us, we mainly refer to the teachings of the Bible about love, forgiveness, patience, doubts, anxiety, etc. when dealing with arguments.
Since the objectivity in the book is strong, seemingly black and white, we can easily pinpoint who’s in the right and wrong, and we’re quick to apologize.
We wouldn’t be together after three years (mostly LDR) if not for grounding ourselves with objectivity rather than emotions, especially during brutal fights.
6. Grow individually but NOT apart.
Are you the type to want your partner to be aligned with your likes, hobbies, and everything?
I admit, it’s cute when couples agree to the same hobby and activities.
Couple shirts? Lovely!
Playing basketball together? Aww, that’s adorable!
But while that’s lovely, know that growing individually and focusing on separate tasks is common for couples, too.
You have your set of goals, and they have theirs.
Yet, we must remember… we should grow individually, but make sure it’s not apart.
Ask yourselves if your individual goals actually intertwine at the end of the tunnel or not.
Are your goals helping you grow, and will they benefit your partner, too?
The painful part for some couples is that they’ve learned to be independent and grown themselves, only to realize that they’re not on the same page with their partner anymore.
One was left behind, or one was far gone from the plan.
They willingly grew individually to compensate for the loneliness, but one day, they reached a point where neither wanted to adjust or sacrifice the strongholds they had built.
So in the end, they just choose to walk in separate ways.
Be wary of this. Plan together. Be purposeful, and discuss how these goals will help your relationship because sooner or later, the most obvious path is marriage.
So, the question is, are you aligned with each other’s goals? Will it lead you to the marriage you were aiming for?
7. Don’t make promises.
A tip, LDR or not: Don’t make promises. Ever.
Someone will be attached to those broken promises and will make a tally of it.
Even with a valid reason, it will hurt your partner. Distrust and resentment will grow.
So now, even when your partner asks for a cute virtual pinky swear, don’t make a promise.
Why this?
If we talk about integrity, it’s not about making promises but about setting plans and committing to them through actions. Mean what you say. Walk the talk.
But please, don’t make promises when we don’t know what the future holds. Heck, we don’t even know how tomorrow unfolds.
In Proverbs 27:1, it says:
“Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.”
Do not make a list of expectations in a situation (like LDR) where it’s hard to commit to it. Do not raise any false hopes. It won’t do any good in the long run.
8. Do activities/projects together.
There are lots of activities you can do to bond despite the distance. After 3 years of LDR, we found most joy and connection in the simple activities like these:
- Editing videos together
My partner and I create and edit animated videos for YouTube, so that’s one!
- Podcasts
My partner would read Reddit stories and we playfully act as if we’re doing a Podcast. Nothing but genuine laughs with the way he reads it!
- Read together.
Gab helps me with my blog. He reads and critiques it, and we also self-reflect on what I’ve written there. My blogs are mostly memoirs of us.
- Play online games.
We also play RPG games. We love ARK, and I remember spending 12 hours on a weekend just playing together. My eyes went fuzzy from all that playing, but it was fun. We hunt, we run, we fight, we build!
- Workouts
We monitor each other’s weight loss journey and workouts. I have a record of our stats since January 2024. It’s going great! We also encourage each other to run and exercise in times we’re too lazy to do it.
- Unboxing/trying out outfits
Something as simple as showing him my latest purchases—even if it leads to a playful argument—helps us stay involved in each other’s lives. He also shows me his OOTDs the same way I do. We critique ourselves and sometimes do a mini fashion show with each other.
- Shop together online.
We also love watching live online selling together. I share my screen with him, so we both see the same products.
This is how our live selling sessions usually go:
Me: “I can’t hear the code, go mute!”
Him: “I already muted! Why didn’t you buy that?”
Me: “That’s unfair, I was first!”
Him: “Buy that! Buy that!”
Haha! Chaotic fun!
9. Have people you can bond with, BUT be wary of friendships with the opposite sex.
I am an introvert, but when my relationship turned long-distance, it was only when I realized the importance of other people’s company. I learned to appreciate the presence of my family and friends.
In times when I felt all clamped up at home, they were the best and most solid support system, giving me companionship while my partner was far away.
However, still, be mindful of friendships with the opposite sex.
Some might say that worrying about this shows a lack of trust, but I believe it’s more about recognizing that temptation can come unexpectedly.
We agreed to expand our social circles but not forming close friendships with the opposite sex unless we both knew the person well.
It’s not about being controlling—it’s about mutual respect.
My friends and his friends are our friends.
Note: If you ever feel the need to hide a message or interaction, that’s already a sign something is off, and you should be open with your partner.
And flee from that “friendship!”
Helpful Post:
10. Have a goal you both look forward to.
What is the LDR for if, at the end of the tunnel, you’re not aligned with each other’s views, perspectives, and goals?
Ask yourself:
- What’s gonna happen after n years of LDR?
- What’s the plan?
- When will you finally be together?
Having a goal, like finishing your studies and reuniting after graduation or saving up for marriage, gives you both something to look forward to.
It’s not just about talking about these goals; you need to see progress and effort from both sides.
Without visible progress, the LDR can feel endless or lead to doubts about its future.
Make sure that you can actually see the development. Otherwise, you’ll either be stuck in an LDR or choose to opt-out because you don’t see it progressing.
Helpful Posts:
- 4 Things To Do When You Don’t Know Where Life is Going
- How To Have an Organized Month, Week, and Day
- How To Focus When You Have Too Many Goals
11. Organize one-on-one discussions that strengthens your relationship.
When the usual stories and updates have temporarily run dry, what we do is dive into meaningful discussions.
Sometimes, I pick a topic we can self-reflect on, and other times, it’s his turn.
We talk about life.
We explore and self-reflect on self-help books, blog posts, social media content, or Bible verses, often conducting them via video calls.
It’s heartwarming how a few Bible verses can lead us to hours of self-reflection, helping us evaluate our actions, interactions, and future goals.
These conversations help rewire our thinking, strengthen our faith, and encourage personal growth even when we’re not together.
We found strength in sharing our vulnerabilities.
We learned more about our strengths, dreams, and life plans. We identified the weaknesses and lingering fears.
In just a year of doing this, we saw the huge difference in how we matured as a long-distance couple.
You can try this, too!
How to Spice up/Do Something Special for Your Partner
To spice things up and do something special from time to time in a long-distance relationship, try these thoughtful ideas:
Send love letters. Send him/her love letters. A heartfelt one will be a sweet, cherished surprise. Ooh, I would love to get this!
Eat out together. Who said LDRs can’t go on dates? We did, and you can, too.
Arrange a virtual dinner date where you both order from your favorite restaurants or cafes and enjoy a meal together, even if you’re miles apart.
Buy and deliver packages. Surprise your partner with a carefully chosen gift or care package.
I can imagine how your partner would backtrack if he/she ordered something and realize it was actually from you. Sweet!
See this:
Screensharing. The best conversations we have are when we share our screen and browse the internet together. We search, scroll, read, or shop together.
Since we’re goofballs, everything seems to be extra funny, and any topic we scroll on becomes a source of our playful banters. It’s real-time and a simple way to stay connected.
These small gestures keep the relationship lively!
When Long Distance Relationship Gets Boring, What Should You Do?
Yes, sometimes it gets boring, and sometimes you’re tired of talking to your partner.
There are days when I don’t want to talk; I just want to do something else.
Gabriel gets upset when I say that, but at the same time, he’s becoming more and more understanding about it. Those days happen.
Yet, I also feel bad about being bored, you know?
So what do we do to prevent that boredom in the future?
The suggestion we’d give is to break routines.
If we have no stories to tell, then explore new things to do!
Thanks to our (possible) ADHD, we’re best at discovering new activities.
Suddenly, we’re talking to wedding coordinators. The next time we talked, he booked a plane ticket. The next month, we’re studying an investment company. The next time, we’re buying a printer for a small business.
As we stir up our environments, we tend to have fresh ideas and fresh “tea,” as we playfully call our adventures and stories.
In conclusion, a long-distance relationship couples can thrive with dedication, communication, and mutual support. With commitment from both sides, the miles between you won’t feel so far. 🙂
That’s it. How was these tips? I hope this gave you insights. You can share your feedback below.
Thanks for reading! God bless! 🙂
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