How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

Comparing myself to others was such a nasty habit I had especially when I was younger.

No one suspected that I compare A WHOLE LOT because I looked so humble. Yet, I tend to self-deprecate when falling behind. I have such a critical view of myself and my surroundings.

Sometimes, these comparisons inspired me.

But at other times, I admit there’s an ugly emotion blending in — a lingering jealousy.

I know deep down how this kind of mindset destroys not only myself, but also tarnishes how I view the world around me. It. must. stop.

Do you relate to this, too? Self-conscious, overcritical, and envious?

In this post, we’ll talk about the pros and cons of comparing yourself to others.

And if you struggle with negatively comparing yourself to others too, I will give you 6 advice to realize how to handle it better the next time.

The Cons of Comparing Yourself To Others

• It steals your joy. Instead of being happy with your wins, you start to feel overshadowed just because you see people “doing better” than you.
• Comparison breeds unhealthy competition. You want to outshine others, and that craving for superiority makes you resentful when you see others getting ahead of you.
• Your self-esteem crumbles down. They have higher salaries, a happier family, and a bigger home? That leads to self-pity and thinking you’re inadequate and lacking (even when you’re perfectly fine!).
• It fosters negative emotions in your relationships. Isn’t it awful to “look happy” for your friends’ wins, but also secretly wish they would fail? You’re secretly competing with them. Ugh.
• You stray away from your purpose. Because you’re too busy imitating others’ steps, you don’t even consider your true strengths which suppresses your true self.

The Pros of Comparing Yourself To Others

• It provides a benchmark. “Ah so, this is what people my age are achieving now.” Sometimes, you just need a benchmark to help you set realistic goals and understand what it takes to achieve them.
• Offers inspiration. People’s hardships and success stories serve as inspiration. They’re proof that our goals are attainable if we work on it.
• Helps you learn. If you compare and then ask how they do it, you might even gather some valuable insights. Comparison leads to analysis, and analysis can lead to lessons, too.
• Creates a roadmap. Almost everything has a process. You can get a picture of what it takes to get to a goal, and formulate a plan in tracking your progress.
• Broadens your perspective. By comparing, you start to learn what’s possible, and reframe it based on our preferences.

How I Stop Negatively Comparing Myself To Others

1. Know your true values and strengths.

The best way to stop comparing yourself to others is to actually know what you’re good at, and focusing on those skills and gifts.

Not everyone is a good singer. Not everyone is an architect.

You’re positioned in that location, situation, and status so you can find a way to nurture your strengths uniquely and help others with it effectively.

You have a role in this world.

Take time to reflect on your talents and what you enjoy doing. Experience the world around you based on your strengths. No, not based on what your parents wanted, or what your BFFs are doing… It should be based on YOUR strengths.

These exploration and experiences will help you see where you shine and where you might not.

For example, if you’re great at creative writing but not so much at public speaking, you’ll know to focus on honing your writing skills because that’s where your gift lies.

Once you start to understand your own unique gifts, it becomes easier to appreciate the hard work and talents of others without feeling threatened.

You’ll realize that just as you have your strengths, others have theirs, and that’s what makes the world diverse and interesting.

2. People have battles of their own.

Almost all my friends are introverted and empathetic, so it’s no surprise that we keep our ups and downs pretty private.

Not until one day, I hit a huge obstacle in my life.

During that tough time, I found myself leaning on my friends for support, crying on their shoulders and sharing my grief.

Soon, they also accepted being vulnerable and admitted how lost they are as I am.

While it’s easy to judge others’ lives and think they’re doing better than us, the truth is even our most financially successful friends deal with anxiety and other problems.

They just don’t voice it because they’re likely in the same mindset as you—shy and embarrassed, thinking they need to appear “perfect.”

Here’s the reality:

• Everyone has battles. No matter how polished someone’s life looks on the outside, they have their own struggles. Just because they’re not sharing doesn’t mean they’re not dealing with any of it.
• No need to compete. Life isn’t a race. There’s no one ahead or behind. We’re all on different paths, dealing with our own unique battles.
• Support each other. In all times, we should focus on supporting one another. When we come together, especially in times of trouble, we grow stronger as a community.

Remember, progress isn’t about getting ahead of others. It’s about helping each other through tough times, lifting each other up, and moving forward together. 

3. Track your progress, not other people’s.

You’ve probably heard it a hundred times: compete with your old self, not with others.

And guess what? That’s true!

There’s real joy in seeing your own progress.

Personally, there’s an unexplainable happiness that comes from realizing I’ve learned practical things and techniques today that I didn’t know yesterday.

Here’s what I do to track my progress: I journal.

Here’s why it matters:

• You will find joy in your growth. Start a daily journal to track what you’ve learned and accomplished each day, every hour, every minute. This practice will help you see how far you’ve come. Maybe today you learned how to cook a new dish, like Sinigang. Write it down. Have you learned how to book an Airbnb? That’s another helpful piece of knowledge! Each step forward—big or small—teaches you one lesson at a time, and brings you closer to your goals, remember that!
• Focus on your journey. It doesn’t have to be monumental changes. As I’ve written about life-changing habits, it’s the small steps of progress that make our path truly impactful.
• Be more appreciative of people’s progress. The next time you see people winning in life, adore them rather than be envious. Behind those successes is work, too, and that deserves recognition.

It’s way more exciting and fulfilling than keeping tabs on everyone else!

4. Turn off that social media.

This isn’t anything new—social media showcases the “best” side of everyone. Profile pictures are filtered, and every achievement is posted.

Even sad stories can be in the limelight. It can feel like everyone else has their life together, except you. That’s the illusion social media creates.

But you know, one reason I stopped social media is because it’s a devious deceiver that takes away our self-esteem. People posting their wins doesn’t actually describe their lives.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

When I meet people in person, they’re human beings like everybody else.

They get annoyed with people in their office, they cry over a breakup, and they’ve quit jobs because of toxic workmates. Social media doesn’t show these struggles.

You better take your eyes away from social media and actually start talking to people more.

You’d see the reality of what everyone’s going through, rather than just consuming a snapshot. It’s called a snapshot for a reason.

Nothing wrong if you post or like posts. But at the back of your mind, remember, it’s just a place to be the star of your own profile account.

Don’t compare real life with social media posts. It’s not a good place to be a benchmark.

5. Get busy.

The real secret to avoid putting yourself against others? Get out there and get busy.

Accomplish tiny tasks each day, and you’ll find yourself in a place of fulfillment, with a sense of accomplishment. When you focus on your own journey and consistently put in the effort, comparison loses its power.

You’ll experience growth that can’t be shaken by looking at others.

So, have a goal and get busy. The more you work on your dreams, the less you’ll care about how others are doing.

6. Collaborate, rather than compare.

When I was at school, I was a competitive little fella who always had her eyes locked in on winning.

Now that we’ve separate ways and gone onto different careers, I view my old friends as potential colleagues or business partners.

Everyone has unique talents and skills. Some are good in Physics, others thrive in Language.

Some have poor people skills but work well with crafting. Others can be a bit soft and dramatic at times but grew to have strong, empathetic leadership skills, too.

Identify what you and others are good at, and find ways to combine these strengths.

Think about how you can learn from their strengths and share your own. This way, you can grow together and achieve more than you could alone.

No need to compare; instead collaborate!

 

That’s it! I hope you gained some insights on how to stop comparing yourself to others negatively.

Thanks for reading! 🙂

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