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At almost 30, I’ve identified that I have a gift for teaching and self-reflecting.
After all the heart-wrenching battles, questions of “Who am I?” the rollercoaster of emotions, and the feelings of purposelessness, I finally recognized the gift God planted in me.
With that breakthrough, you bet I was all set for another chapter in my life. I was so eager to run outside and use them to bless my family and serve my community. Game mode is on! I’ll be on fire for You!
And with this newfound confidence, I tell you, life surprisingly felt so simple… Yep. A-huh. That’s what I thought.
But boy, was I so wrong.
Now, I’m only realizing that many aspects of my life are just starting.
It’s getting realer than ever. Marriage is on the horizon for me and my partner—we’re now preparing and talking to wedding suppliers.
As the day goes by, every decision starts to weigh more and more.
A new life is sinking in, and well, things are getting serious here!
And, to add to the complexity, my partner works overseas. We’re in a long-distance relationship.
Yet we plan to settle down and start our family in our hometown, where finances might be tight.
That said, we’re churning our minds and efforts to somehow prepare financially, mentally, and spiritually as we unite again and build our own family.
So my dilemma, as a woman who’ll soon be a wife and a mom, is this:
- Should I still pursue my teaching career? To do this, I must take the licensure exam and finish a master’s degree. This would allow me to become a part-time teacher in college, contributing financially alongside my soon-to-be-husband. Although, of course, I have to be away from home in some days, leaving my future children for a few hours. Well, it feels like a solid, ideal path, but it’s also a big commitment. As of now, I’ve got two jobs, and my mind’s a mess on some days. How would it go if I became a working mom?
- Or do I continue working as an online writer and focus on being a stay-at-home mom? I could still contribute to the family income flexibly, and here, I wouldn’t have to juggle as many external responsibilities. More importantly, I will be present for my family. But is this the best way to use the gifts God bestowed on me? Or is teaching in college a bigger calling I have to fulfill?
Teacher vs. Writer vs. Full-Time Mom: The Ultimate Showdown
For the past month, it felt like a boxing match in my mind—Teacher in one corner, Writer in the other, and Full-Time Mom right in the middle.
I’ve been watching them relentlessly throw jabs at each other, and honestly, I’m exhausted. I’ve even binge-watched testimony after testimony from stay-at-home moms and working moms, trying to find clarity.
And with the licensure exam only six months away, I’m this close to banging my head on the couch.
Should I take the exam? Should I not? Will I even use the license or be a stay-at-home mom? I want to care for my family, but I want to contribute to our household’s income. The economy’s not looking so good, you see.
Now, you might tell me to just follow my goals and ambitions. But the issue is that my goals grew a lot simpler.
I just want to:
- Take care of my future children,
- Help my soon-to-be-husband financially,
- And use the gifts God has given me in the most effective way possible.
I’ve spent so many hours reconciling these “simple goals” in my life. And if you have a similar burden where you’re torn between two appealing and purposeful paths, stay for a while. I want to share how I overcame being indecisive and torn apart.
What To Do When We’re Caught Up In Multiple Paths?
1. Do Not Worry About Tomorrow, For Tomorrow Will Worry About Itself
As I write this, I’ll be honest: I still don’t know what path I’ll take. But one thing that’s given me a sense of peace is Matthew 6:34, which says:
“Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
That verse has been on repeat in my mind. It’s a reminder that I’ve been wasting my energy stressing over the future.
I’ve dragged all the potential troubles of tomorrow into today, and it’s completely derailed me.
Goodness, I’ve wasted ONE WEEK seeking and searching for an answer.
But one thing clicked with me after all the drama I made myself: Maj, you’re not even a mom yet. You’re not even married yet.
Why am I worrying about all these things? Lol.
What a drifting mind I have!
I’ve spent more time reading and researching than making lesson plans! Worse, I tried to force God to answer, but… nothing yet. I was impatient.
So, after all this internal chaos and the relentless back and forth, I finally decided to drop the overthinking. I’m letting go.
Focus on solving the troubles of today. Don’t let overthinking rob us of peace.
2. Do Not Lean On Your Own Understanding
As I was searching for answers to my dilemma, one verse kept popping up again and again.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says:
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
But, like many of us who tend to rely on our instincts, I brushed it off, thinking I could solve things independently.
It seems like I told God, “I already know that verse, God, but I’ll seek for an answer anyway.“ Stupid me.
Little did I know, it was exactly what I needed to apply in my situation. As someone who tries to figure out the end goal and understand the whole picture, I needed this taped on my bedroom wall.
In these confusing situations, God asks us to trust Him with our whole hearts and surrender the things we can’t figure out.
Instead of stressing over what’s ahead, we’re called to focus on what we can do today and let God handle the rest.
Sometimes, no amount of searching or asking for advice will give you the answers. You must wait, trust, and allow God to reveal His plan in His time.
3. Be Patient, and the Answer Will Come in His Perfect Time
In the middle of all my confusion and uncertainty, you know what? God gently showed me another path.
God probably didn’t like the boxing match I had in my head, so He gave me another choice that brought peace to my heart and aligned with my purpose.
Here’s what happened:
My ministry leader approached me. She asked God to give her a name from the ministry — someone who would help her to lead.
And alas, it was me.
I asked God, “Lord, is this the path you want me to follow? Is this how I can use the gift of teaching you’ve placed in me?”
Really, this isn’t the first time God’s fixing my schedule.
The church’s responsibilities include:
- Creating and hosting events.
- Joining outreach activities.
- Visiting other churches.
- Welcoming visitors from other churches.
And on weekdays, I could continue to write and be a full-time mom.
My life is still unfolding, but I know that if we ask God, He answers.
But if our desires don’t align with his will, He shows a new terrain we must work on!
Ecclesiastes 3:1 says:
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”
The future still feels a little blurry, but one thing is clear: God is working in my life.
I just need to trust in His timing and have patience for what He has planned.
As of now, I don’t really think about those troubles anymore.
With my level of knowledge, there’s no way I could figure out what God has in store for me, not until it happens. So, I have saved up my overthinking and let God take over!
Takeaway
Ultimately, life’s big decisions aren’t always clear, and sometimes, the answers we seek take time to unfold.
Instead of leaning on our own understanding or rushing for solutions, we’re called to trust in Him, letting go of the need to control every detail.
When we submit our plans, worries, and uncertainties to God, He straightens our paths, guiding us in ways we couldn’t have imagined.
So, as I continue on this journey, I’m learning to be patient, to embrace the unknown, and to trust that God is working behind the scenes—even when I don’t have all the answers.
And I encourage you to do the same. In His perfect time, everything will fall into place.
That’s it. Thanks for reading! 🙂
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