7 Lessons I Learned That Healed My Perfectionism

I used to call myself a “slow worker,” not because I was lazy, but because I was obsessed with making everything right.

I couldn’t stand the thought of producing anything less than perfect, so I poured hours, days, or weeks into whatever craft I was working on.

Perfectionism? Ah yes. I’ve been there.

My emotional attachment to my work was intense, and while that often led to impressive results, it came with a major downside.

Do you know a perfectionist’s kryptonite? Drumroll please…

It’s failure.

Dang, any impending doom makes me tremble and tap out. If you’re like me, you probably have strong tendencies to back down, too, and even quit pursuing the plan out of fear and embarrassment.

My reputation is my priority. I don’t like failure or being blamed, so my eyes always wander to look for any faults, and correct them before it’s too late.

However, in the past years, I noticed how perfectionism shuts me down until I cripple into anxiety. It wore me down.

That’s when I started my journey to overcoming my perfectionism. And thankfully, I’m noticing the changes.

It wasn’t easy, and it took me years of self-evaluation and consciously breaking down my walls.

Now, after fixing it step by step, I felt freer than ever.

I’m no longer scared of being flawed. I execute my plans without fearing that they may fail. And more importantly, I learned to target consistency and not be held back by my perfectionism.

Are you interested in how I did it, too?

If you are, then here are 7 advice I followed to overcome perfectionism.

Signs You’re a Perfectionist

First, let’s have a short checklist to see if you’re really — I mean really — a perfectionist:

• You’re wary of people perceiving you as stupid.
• You have tendencies to blame others (whether you verbalize your disappointment or not).
• You don’t like people seeing your weaknesses like embarrassment, foolishness, mistakes, fashion sense, finances, personal problems.
• You obsess over one mistake people might not even notice.
• You don’t ask questions in fear that you’ll look stupid.
• You do all the tasks instead of working on a team because you know you can do it better.
• You prepare and practice more than anyone else before a presentation or performance.
• When you watch someone, you tend to evaluate what they can change to be better.
• You’re a formidable achiever, but can also be a notorious quitter when things don’t work your way.
• You have a strong and vivid self-image.
• Reputation is one of the core values you uphold.

How To Heal from Perfectionism

Now we had an overview of what perfectionism looks like, here are some reminders you can ponder on that may help you get out of this rut.

1. Done is better than perfect.

I still remember when I left the theater club I was directing because the performance didn’t meet my expectations. This was in high school.

We focused on perfecting the initial parts, and lacked practice on the final ones. I felt so embarrassed, I didn’t even show up on the day of the performance.

That’s how badly perfectionism had its claws in me. Thinking about what I know now, I regret what I did.

If only I didn’t hyper fixate on everyone’s every move, and took deadlines into account, we could’ve practiced the final scenes. We wouldn’t have made a mess of a performance.

Truly, the saying goes, “Get the work done” not “get the work perfect.”

✔️ What should we practice to lessen this perspective?

Perfectionists tend to believe that their work is a direct reflection of themselves, and in some ways, that’s true.

But sometimes, too much focus on perfection also becomes our downfall.

“Done is better than perfect.” Remember this.

Instead of aiming for flawlessness, focus on finishing what you started. Don’t cling to Step 1, but spend ample time for the entire plan.

For example, if you’re writing a novel, set a goal to complete one draft a day and then move on to the next chapter.

Don’t get stuck obsessing over chapter one for an entire month. Move on to the next!

I know you want your work to be perfect, but I tell you, you will always — and I mean ALWAYS — find an error in it.

So, please cover your other works first before you go back and proofread your first chapter.

Celebrate the fact that you’ve created something, and take pride in your progress.

Fall in love with the journey, not just the destination.

2. Learn to laugh at your mistakes.

In college, I was often seen as the one who always had it together.

When you throw tasks at me, whether that’s a dance, a presentation, a role play, a thesis, you name it, I don’t like doing things good; I want it to be perfect.

So, when one day, my professor pointed out that our group’s submitted documents were lacking, the room fell silent.

Everyone seemed shocked, and honestly, so was I.

My heart pounded, and all I wanted to do was disappear because my name was called across the room.

I even grew a bit resentful toward my classmates, because I know it was their fault. I did most of the project; all they needed was to print them and submit. But they didn’t.

See the weight a perfectionist has on their shoulders?

Meanwhile, there was my friend—a smart, bubbly person who easily handled mistakes.

I admire her. Every time she makes a mistake, she’d just laugh it off and move on, clarifying what to do next without missing a beat.

The difference between us was glaring. While I was crushed by criticism, she was unfazed, using humor to break the tension.

That’s when it hit me: mistakes aren’t the end of the world.

The way you handle them can make all the difference.

Learning to laugh at your mistakes lightens the mood and helps you move forward more quickly.

✔️ What to practice:

Break the tension with a smile and humility. Ask for clarification on their instructions instead of getting defensive.

It’s amazing how much lighter the situation can feel when you approach it with openness rather than self-deprecation.

Seek feedback, not praise. If a friend points out a flaw, be more willing to ask for their thoughts rather than fishing for compliments.

Constantly feeding off praise can inflate your ego. Instead, constructive feedback helps you grow.

3. Give yourself room for spontaneity.

Perfectionists love overplanning, overpreparing, and even trying to control others.

I used to be just like that. Every detail had to be mapped out, and every possible outcome had to be accounted for.

Frustratingly, I realized this a little too late: no matter how much I plan, life has a funny way of throwing curveballs.

Plans rarely go exactly as expected—sometimes, they turn out better, and other times, mistakes happen.

Over time, I learned that while it’s important to cover the basics, giving yourself room for spontaneity is equally important.

For example, when planning an event, I ensure the essentials are taken care of.

Food? Check. Needed materials? Check. Call time and venue? Check.

But beyond that, I let things unfold naturally.

I no longer micromanage every detail because I’ve realized that spontaneity brings more life to situations, making them more memorable and enjoyable.

Let yourself rest, and let other people breathe!

✔️ So, what can you practice to embrace spontaneity?

Prepare the basics and the necessary items for any plan, but resist the urge to control every aspect.

Know the standards but keep expectations flexible. Plans rarely go perfectly, and that’s okay.

Become a problem solver, not a control freak. This way, when something unexpected happens—and it will—you’ll be ready to handle it with grace.

4. Think less, do more.

Many perfectionists often find themselves stuck in the quicksand of analysis paralysis. Admit it — we overthink until we’re immobilized.

Our ideas go pew! Pew! Pew! We get excited, but the irony is that nothing was really actualized, which gives us the headaches.

So, how do you break free from this trap? The answer is simple: think less, do more.

When you have a plan, put it into action!

Sure, you might have five different ideas swirling around in your head, but constantly analyzing them will get you nowhere.

The only way to know what works is to try it out. TRY. IT. OUT.

Be excited about where your plan might take you, and find peace in the process of discovery, whether it leads to success or not.

Don’t let perfectionism ruin your exploration.

✔️ What to practice:

Act on your plan. Once you’ve got a plan, start executing it. Don’t let overthinking stop you!

Don’t juggle too many ideas at once. Focusing on five different plans at once might seem productive, but it’s often a recipe for inaction.

Pick one, and take the first step. If it didn’t work out, then great, that’s one off the checklist!

Embrace uncertainty. You won’t always know how things will turn out, and that’s part of the adventure. Be excited about the unknown and the lessons you’ll learn along the way.

5. Fix what’s in front of you; don’t look too far ahead.

While it’s great to have a vision, obsessing over the end goal can paralyze you. This, again, with analysis paralysis.

Instead of being overwhelmed by the entire journey, just look at the next step.

Ask yourself, “What needs to be accomplished today?” Then, tackle that task.

Once it’s done, move on to the next one.

Those little achievements might seem small, but they’ll pile up over time, and before you know it, you’ll look back and realize how far you’ve come.

The danger of perfectionism is that it tempts you to constantly refine and map out a perfect plan, often at the cost of actually executing it.

But progress isn’t about having the perfect strategy; it’s about moving forward, step by step.

✔️ Here’s how you can put this into practice:

Focus on the task at hand. Don’t get lost in the grand scheme. Look at what’s in front of you and accomplish it. That’s your priority.

Celebrate small wins. Those little achievements are the building blocks of your bigger goals. Each one brings you closer to where you want to be.

Prioritize daily progress. Instead of constantly revising the perfect plan, ask yourself, “What should I accomplish today?” and get it done.

6. Accept that you have weaknesses, too!

Perfectionists seem to be hardwired to want to excel at everything.

And when we don’t, it feels like failure. A boulder on our chest. An embarrassing moment that will haunt us our whole life.

But here’s a hard truth: My dear friend, we can’t always be good at everything – and that’s okay.

Lighten up!

There’s no shame in acknowledging that you have weaknesses. In fact, it’s a strength to recognize them and learn which areas need improvement.

Back then, I was so conscious of my fashion, and instead of asking how I could improve it, I always ran away from the topic.

I was teaching at a technical school, and I feared that some topics were not familiar to me, so I, again, quit the job out of anxiety.

Life’s so hard when you can’t accept your weakness and are afraid of showing any vulnerability to people. It always feels like dealing with imposter syndrome!

✔️ Here’s what you can do:

Embrace humility. For example, I know I’m a novice artist.

Then, I’ll be humble enough to admit that. And voila! People won’t have many expectations of me about it.

I wouldn’t have to live in anxiety that I might be caught weak and lying.

Accepting that you’re not perfect at everything frees you from those expectations and self-criticism.

7. Success and failure – don’t let them get to your head.

One of the biggest challenges perfectionists face is reconciling success and failure.

Society tends to glorify success and demonize failure, but the reality is that failure often teaches us more.

You see, you’re no longer a grade school student who gets scolded for a bad grade; you’re an adult navigating your own life.

And in this life, failure isn’t something to be feared—it’s something to learn from.

✔️ Here’s what you should keep in mind:

Don’t let success go to your head. Success is wonderful, but clinging to it like it’s everything can be dangerous because it sets an unrealistic standard.

Success is just one step in your journey, not the end-all-be-all.

Embrace failure as a teacher. Failure is actually a powerful teacher. It shows you what doesn’t work, pushes you to adapt, and ultimately makes you stronger.

Prioritize consistency. Stop over glamorizing success and demonizing failure. Instead, focus on consistency and resilience.

These traits will serve you far better than a perfectionist mindset that crumbles at the first sign of an “error alarm.”

Conclusion

In conclusion, yes, perfectionism is a difficult issue because this is usually an acquired trait rooted in our childhood.

It’s almost ingrained in you, and it’s hard to unlearn it.

That’s why you must trust the process.

It may take years, but as long as you keep to your heart the reminders I told you above, you will eventually learn how to go with the flow rather than be controlling, hiding, and withdrawing from failures.

 

That’s it! Was this helpful? I hope you gained some insights.

Thanks for reading! 🙂

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