*This post may contain affiliate links. That means I may earn a small commission from qualifying purchases or sign-ups at certainly no additional cost to you! Thanks!*
Do you struggle to express yourself? Oh, I used to be in the same boat, for the looongest time.
See, I’m an introvert. Not a shy one hiding in the corner, but a whacky fella especially around people I’m comfortable with.
I’ve got friends I laugh to my heart’s content with. I’m a ball of sunshine when I’m in that mood, and believe me, my bubbly side is quite contagious!
Only that, behind this whimsical persona, there’s a more reserved side of me, a private hermit who hides behind a mask.
I’ve dealt with family, financial, and personal problems, along with anxiety, self-pity, and excessive self-consciousness, but no one knew about them.
Never told anyone about my cries. Not with family, not with friends.
I never expressed my goals either, and if anyone asked, I wouldn’t budge spilling it. I was so afraid of sharing personal information, scared that people might use them to hurt me.
Yeah, I thought the walls I built protected me just right.
But in doing so, regrets soon emerged in my heart. I missed out on a lot of opportunities. Hesitated to introduce my thoughts, desires, and line of work to people who could’ve helped me progress in my career.
A deep sigh to all my missed opportunities…
And it’s only recently that I figured out how to express myself better, and maybe this “I-don’t-care-what-you-think-of-me-anymore” attitude just comes with age.
Whatever it is, I’ve never felt this free in my entire life.
But let me tell you, it wasn’t some magical overnight transformation where I woke up one day and became this open, expressive person.
It took years of adapting, researching, practicing, and sheer willpower to get here.
Before we dive into the how-to of being more expressive, let’s talk about the why. Why can’t we just keep it to ourselves? Well, there are various reasons.
Why Should You Express Yourself Rather Than Keep It In?
It sets you free and keeps your peace.
We tend to rewind our emotions as if it’s a movie, overthink what we could’ve said in certain situations, and worse, cry about it at night.
But being more expressive can lighten that load. Sharing a problem might bring unexpected help.
Sharing your thoughts invites feedback that you actually need so you can improve.
Voicing your issues can ease your burden. Sure, expressing yourself might be tough at first, but it leads to ultimate freedom in the long run.
Communication promotes more understanding.
Isn’t it weird? We want to be understood but expect people to read our minds.
My case was even weirder. I didn’t want people to understand me, so I built walls and then felt hurt when no one knew my pain.
Ahh, the pain of being young and immature (and probably the struggle of unlearning our childhood traumas).
However, as we grow in life, realize that LOTS of problems we have will be solved by properly conveying the message.
Let’s bridge the gaps. Not everyone will agree with you, but at least you rest your case, and they’ve heard your perspectives.
It will get solved soon rather than constantly running away from issues, and people chasing after you.
You let go of anger and resentment.
Say, someone offended you. I tell you, keeping your silence only tortures you, and the person that caused that offense wouldn’t know they’ve hurt you.
If you always keep those feelings to yourself, it will soon become resentment and grow into a more monstrous anger towards the other.
Voice it out. Be verbal about it. You don’t have to be aggressive in addressing the problems, but be calm and speak with security and authority.
Don’t let that offense grow into a monster.
How To Become More Expressive with Your Thoughts and Emotions
1. Consistently write them down, and give your emotions a name.
The first step I took towards being more expressive was to write down my feelings.
I started journaling my emotions, situations, and thoughts.
A great example is the passion blog I started in 2020 about Myers-Briggs personalities and Carl Jung’s analytical psychology which contributed lots to my growth. You might want to take a test yourself to better understand your personality.
I sought the lessons from my experiences and made them into a blog. In the first months, I can see how my perspective focused on “they don’t understand me” or “they’re to blame for what I’m feeling.”
But as I studied and wrote down psychological explanations and used precise words to describe my emotions, I began to understand my situation better.
Self-reflection naturally followed, leading to insights and corrections:
“Oh, so in this situation, I’m not the problem. It’s my environment.”
“I see, in this scenario, I really looked aloof and avoidant.”
With consistent self-reflection through writing, I’ve tracked down my line of thinking, along with understanding other people’s lines of thinking as well.
I also learned the exact words to use when expressing myself. The phrases I used in my blogs, like “moral compass,” “mirroring behaviors,” and “nonconformity,” became part of my everyday conversations.
These terms were unfamiliar in my culture, but by consulting dictionaries, reading psychology topics, and self-improvement books, my emotions began to take form.
I became more proficient in recognizing and identifying the root cause of why I’m feeling what I’m feeling and became better at expressing it in a way others could easily understand.
That’s the first step – give a name to that emotion.
For example:
Why do you feel uncomfortable when expressing yourself?
A. The person I’m talking to isn’t trustworthy. (You understand that person’s toxic behavior.)
B. I don’t want people to know about me. (It’s a self-consciousness, fear of judgment, and anxiety issue.)
C. They’re not my friends. (You don’t share similar values + not sharing the same wavelength)
When you know the root cause of why you do the things you do, you’ll eventually find solutions to correct and redirect yourself.
2. Be in an environment where you’re encouraged to talk.
Be out in the open to talk.
I’m grateful that my job required me to always talk—I was a teacher!
The anxious speaker in me, whose heart pounded every time she spoke in front of a crowd, slowly learned to speak impromptu. Now, I never stop talking about topics I love.
But even if you’re not in such a profession, there are still plenty of ways to improve your speaking skills.
Tell a story to your family and friends. If it’s a corporate, try to volunteer during presentations.
If it’s at church, don’t shy away from sharing your testimony, struggles, and achievements. Grab that microphone and talk!
When it comes to your career, you don’t need to be in a job like sales where you’re constantly interacting with people. (That would be a nightmare for introverts.)
Rather, you could start conducting lectures, public speeches, one-on-one mentorships, or story-telling to kids.
You just need to go out there and talk. No, not an inner monologue with yourself, but be in the open and practice expressing your thoughts.
3. Do not mumble or end your sentence half way.
When you say something, make sure it’s loud and clear.
This is one of the most noticeable failures that keep people from understanding you – you mumble. When people can’t hear your words, they either nod along pretending to understand or ignore you and move on to the next speaker. We don’t want that disconnect to happen.
Here are some tips I personally use to improve my communication:
– Speak in a complete sentence. Don’t stop halfway!
– Enunciate your words clearly, syllable by syllable.
– Speak like you want them to really understand, don’t shy away into a mumble.
– Maintain a good rhythm. Don’t rap, but don’t speak too slowly either.
– Be honest if you blank out, misspeak, or forget what you were about to say. (It happens to me, too!) Just tell people you’ll say it once you remember.
– Only speak with a purpose, or when you want to say or react to something.
– Don’t make a fuss if you stutter. Enunciate clearly and proceed to your key point.
By following these tips, you’ll make sure your message is loud, clear, and understood.
4. Agree to disagree
Don’t get frustrated when people disagree with you. Instead, face it objectively.
Keep yourself composed and listen as objectively as you can, as if you’re a third party eavesdropping on a conversation.
Yes, people may try to assert their beliefs and practices on you, or vice versa, which can lead to some pretty heated arguments.
But what I’ve learned when beliefs clash is to say, “Okay, we agree to disagree.” Case closed.
Often, we hesitate to express ourselves for fear of being judged or turned down.
But try to shift your perspective: it’s okay to disagree, and you both have full responsibility for your beliefs and choices.
We’ve heard each other, right? We find a compromise if we can. But if we can’t find common ground, we agree to disagree. This approach safeguards our minds and hearts, allowing us to be sincere with our emotions.
5. Say, “Really? I’ll look into that.”
What happens if someone shares an idea or suggestion with you and you’re unsure whether to follow through? Well, just say, “I’ll think about it” or “I’ll look into that.”
This is something I learned in an annoying way.
In college, I was really sure about the news article I was sharing, but back then, when a blockmate tried to oppose me, I would immediately agree with them, and accept defeat, which diminished my self-confidence.
It was my anxiety kicking in. I got scared to share my views for fear of being laughed at and embarrassed.
But dang, when I tried to look into what they were saying, I realized I was right all along, and their arguments were baseless. I felt silly for doubting myself. I looked stupid for nothing.
See, some would contradict you because they have ideas of their own. Others just love to oppose you for the sake of it. When this happens, don’t take it personally. See it as an opportunity to learn.
When you’re not sure, buy yourself some time to look into it. You don’t always have to respond immediately.
Here are the 5 tips I can give you to grow into a more expressive person! If you find it insightful, give your feedback below.
Thanks for reading!
You may also like: