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Small talk gets a bad rap. For an introvert like me, it feels so superficial or awkward. Like, we’re trying to have a filler. And to be honest, it used to feel forced.
However, as I grow older and realize the importance of communication and a sense of community, I now see small talk as a genuine form of conversation.
It’s the beginning. Because if no one ever engages in small talk, how do we even build friendships and connections?
Small talk sets the stage for more meaningful and deeper discussions.
And that’s how even I, as an introvert, am now learning to engage with more people.
I’ve changed perspectives about it. It’s not small talk; it’s a conversation starter.
From that little conversation, who knows if you’re finding a kindred spirit or not?
Benefits of Small Talk
Small talk is a powerful tool, if you want to build closer relationships with people, that is. Here are a few benefits:
- Small talk paves the way for deeper conversations.
Friendships often form when people come together for a specific purpose. But how could you even start getting to know each other without some small talk to start a conversation? With this, you also get a grasp of your compatibility with people, or the lack thereof.
Through small talk, we could indeed find affinity in the way they spoke and the stories they shared. We find my kindred spirits through this.
- Opens doors to possible opportunities
Casual chats could lead to exchanges about a job lead, collaboration, or helpful insight you wouldn’t have found otherwise. If traveling is a way to explore the world, having short conversations is a means to explore opportunities.
It’s surprised me how the more I engage in small talk, the more people become aware of my skills, business, and craft. In the same way, I could ask them about what they do.
Just as I had yesterday, I was talking to a woman who happened to be a virtual assistant. Since I blog and our industries cross at a certain point, we could exchange a few insights about what we do. We advise each other, and it’s nice to have people around you who understand what you do.
- Boosts social confidence and improves emotional intelligence
The more you engage in small talk, the better you become at leading it to more fruitful conversations. No, it’s not just about the weather. It’s how you start talking about the weather, what you did yesterday when the weather was too hot, what you’re planning to do with the summer season, and then probably inviting them if you’ve grown close enough.
You’re building comfort and connection.
As someone aloof and introverted before, the more I engage with people, the more I mirror their energies. I learned that people respond if I have better cues. Some people don’t really want to engage, and others talk nonstop. As I consistently engage with people, I healed my social anxiety, and took people’s words less personally.
You build yourself socially.
- Strengthens community bonds
I know we love our personal space. I did, too. But I took it to the extreme, where I shut my door off – quit my job, worked from home solo, and deactivated my social media accounts. This stopped my friends and acquaintances from reaching me.
But too much individualism got in the way of my personal growth. This is the hard lesson I realized. I learned that even the most closed-off people, like me, need a sense of community. I’ve become too anxious, stagnant, and unfulfilled just by myself.
On the other hand, everything becomes easier with people around.
And where do community bonds start? With making small talk that eventually grows to familiarity.
7 Small Talk Topics That Actually Work
So you’ve said hello, exchanged names, and now… crickets.
Don’t panic! Having a mental list of go-to topics can make small talk smoother and less stressful. The key is to keep it light and friendly. It’s better if you also share your own experiences and ask them about their experiences, too.
Here are some reliable small-talk topics that work in most situations:
#1 The Weather (Yes, Really!)
It’s a classic for a reason. Everyone experiences it, and it’s a safe way to open a conversation. Just avoid lingering here too long. Use it as a springboard into something more interesting.
Topic 1: “Beautiful day. Isn’t it? How I wish I could go somewhere than in the office.”
Follow-up topics:
- Hey, I know an excellent tourist spot perfect for this weather. It’s in [name of location]. Have you been there?
- This is the perfect weather for taking my dog for a walk. Do you have dogs, too?
- It’s nice to have a picnic/go biking/go fishing in the nearby park [or any nearby locations]. Have you tried it? We usually just [tell them what you do during these activities]. Want to try that, too?
Topic 2: “The rains are so heavy! Didn’t expect to rain in this season!”
Follow-up topics:
- Do you remember the time when there was a typhoon in [name of location]? It was crazy! I had relatives there [share an experience.]
- But actually, I love the rain! I love the drizzles while drinking a cup of coffee. How about you? What’s your favorite season? [Ask them why they love a certain season and share your experiences, too.]
- I had to run back home because I left my things in the backyard! [Share your “rainy day” adventure].
#2 Entertainment & Pop Culture
Movies, TV shows, books, or recent events (that aren’t too controversial) are great conversation starters.
Topic 1: “Have you watched anything good lately on Netflix?”
Follow-up topics:
- Really? What’s the plot? [Allow them to share about the plot line.]
- Woah, I watched a movie with a similar genre, too! Have you watched [name of movie]? [It’s your time to share a plot!]
- [If both of you have watched the movie] That was a fun movie! I watched that with my father, and he doesn’t want me to watch it without him. Haha! The graphics are so cool! [Share your experiences and insights about the movie.]
Topic 2: “I just finished a book I couldn’t put down.”
Follow-up topics:
- [Talk about genres] It’s a thriller! [Share a brief story about the plot, and ask if they’re into these kinds of genres.]
- [Talk about the authors and their works] She never disappoints! I also love this novel of hers.
#3 Travel (Or Dream Travel)
Most people love to talk about places they’ve been—or want to go. Travel talk can instantly light up a conversation.
Topic 1: “Have you ever travelled outside the country?
Follow-up topics:
- I went there, too! Did you visit the [describe a tourist spot and your experience there]?
- You went to [name a location]??? What activities did you do there? [Ask like you intend to go because that’s how people connect and learn from each other.]
- I haven’t been there, but it sounds like the last travel we had! Have you ever been in… [name location and share your experiences]
- I know someone living there! She said,… [share more stories!]
Topic 2: “Have any dream travels?”
People do watch travel videos and documentaries. You might be surprised how personal their stories are when it comes to listing down dream travels!
Follow-up topics:
- That’s cool! Why is that on your bucket list? [Let them share their stories, likes, and dislikes.]
- As for me, if only I had the money right now, I would go to [name location and share your story].
#4 Food & Restaurants
Topic 1: “I’m always looking for good lunch spots around here—got any recommendations?”
Follow-up topics:
- Oh, my favorite is at [name of restaurant]. You must try their [name of dish]. They’re the best in town!
- What’s your preference? Do you like noodles, rice, burgers? [Get to know each others’ wants!]
- Have you seen the new trending restaurant? Why don’t you try that? [explain what the restaurant offers.]
Topic 2: Do you cook?
Follow-up topics:
- What’s your favorite dish to prepare? Really? How do you cook that?
- You don’t cook? I remember the time when I was forced to learn to cook, too! [Again, ask or make a story out of your responses!]
- You don’t cook? As for me, I cook a lot. Maybe I’ll bring a few dishes with me to give you!
#5 Work (But Make It Light!)
If you’re in a work-related conversation, asking about their role or how they entered their field can demonstrate genuine interest without being too intrusive.
Topic: “What kind of work do you do?”
Follow-up topics:
- Oh, I know someone in that field! They said [share an interesting insight or story related to that job and ask them about it, too!].
- That’s cool! I’ve always wondered what a typical day looks like for someone in that role! What do you usually do in your job?
- As for me, I do something a bit different. However, we both deal with [mention a common element, such as people, technology, deadlines, etc.]. Have you ever had to [share a work-related experience]?
- That sounds like something I’ve been interested in! How did you get started in it? [Ask as if you’re curious to learn more or considering a similar path.]
#6 The Occasion or Environment
If you’re at an event, use that to your advantage—talk about the setting, the crowd, or why you’re both there.
Topic: Have you been to one of these before?
Follow-up topics:
- You did? I went to one last year, too! Did you also see the [describe a performance, setup, or highlight moment]?
- You’ve been to [type of occasion, like a wedding, festival, conference, etc.]? I might go next time. What was it like?
- I’ve never been to events exactly like this one. It reminds me of when I attended [name a similar event and share your story]!
- “I know someone who goes every year! They told me [share a fun or surprising detail they mentioned]. Did you experience anything like that?”
#7 Pets & Hobbies
People light up when talking about what they love. Ask about pets, weekend hobbies, or favorite ways to unwind.
Topic: Do you have any pets?
Follow-up topics:
- I have a [pet type] too! Mine always does this funny thing—does yours do anything like that?
- Do you have a [type of pet]? What’s their name? What are they like? I’ve been thinking of getting one myself.
- I don’t have any right now, but I used to have a [pet]. Have you ever had one of those? They’re so [describe behavior or personality].
- One of my friends has a [pet], and they said it’s like having a toddler! Do you find that true?
How Long Should Small Talk Last
There’s no set rule, but generally, small talk should last just long enough to create a comfortable entry point into a deeper topic or to naturally end if there isn’t one.
Think 2–5 minutes in most settings. At a party or networking event, it might go a bit longer. Depends on the people you’re with.
In my town, people very welcoming and outspoken about their thoughts. I’m an introvert, but I’m lucky that many people around me are extroverted enough to carry on a conversation, even with my minimal input.
I just ask questions, and they’d be going on. If I had nothing else to do, I’d be satisfied with a listener role.
Small talks last 2-5 minutes when you’re busy. But if you do it right, who knows when you shall end it?
Small Talk Mistakes to Avoid
Even the best intentions can go sideways if you’re not careful, so if you truly want a smooth conversation, here are some common small-talk mistakes to avoid:
- Not listening. Small talk is a two-way street. Make sure you’re responding to what they say, not just waiting for your turn to speak.
- Monopolizing the conversation. Ask open-ended questions, give others a chance to speak, and show genuine curiosity in their responses. A good, satisfying conversation occurs when two people share stories, lessons, or tips with each other.
- Forgetting names. If you’re meeting someone for the first time, make an effort to remember their name. Repeat it back in conversation, if you can. It helps reinforce your memory. If ever you meet each other again, it shows you care by remembering their name.
Conclusion
Small talk, when done right, lays the groundwork for stronger relationships. I used to hate it before. I run away from people who try to take my time with senseless talk.
However, once we shift our perspective – learning that small talk can pave the way to deeper connections, smoother interactions, more opportunities, and more buddies you’ll be comfortable with, then you’ll see this short interaction as a fantastic way to get to know people.
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