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Want to make friends and adult? Yep, I know this can become pretty hard compared to when we were children.
Yes, as an introvert, I used to run away from people. But four years of isolation is enough. I started to yearn for people connection, which I took for granted when the Pandemic hit.
The more I get older, just nearing my 30s, the more I appreciate the people around me. That I can’t go anywhere far if I’m gonna do it alone. Plus, working from home is a lonely road, so even for an introvert, I learned that life is way better when you have good people around you.
So what did I do to gain friends? Thankfully, my search for people actually brought me to the best people. The moment I left my hiding hole, the more I evolved into a better version of myself.
Here’s how I did it!
How To Make Friends As an Introverted Adult
1. Reconnect with Old Friends
It’s kinda intimidating to reach out to your old friends at first, especially when years have passed without a single word with each other.
“What’s the occasion?” they might think. Well, we have to get past that fear and send them a message.
Truth is, reconnecting with old friends can actually deepen your bond.
Consider how you’ve shared fun, whimsical, and nostalgic memories, and now that you’ve grown older, you definitely have new stories to bring to the table.
For introverts, friendships tend to be more about depth than constant interaction, so even if you haven’t seen each other in years, you’ll likely pick up where you left off—filled with laughs, heart-to-hearts, and maybe open up the dramas currently happening in your lives.
There’s a heartwarming beauty in reconnecting with true friends. They understand where you came from and somehow understand where you are right now because they are in the same stage as you.
Plus, who doesn’t love a good throwback conversation? With old friends, there’s no shortage of those!
2. Make Your Co-Workers Your Friends
In the workplace? Ugh, can’t take the tension and false fronts just to constantly save face at work.
However, despite our disdain towards the competition, take heart because you never know; there might be kindred spirits lurking just under your nose!
Some of them might share your values, interests, and even your desire to connect on a deeper level, so be more open towards your co-workers.
You don’t need to force a connection with ALL your co-workers. Instead, pay attention to who you naturally vibe with.
As an introvert, it can take time to warm up to people, and I struggled with this initially. There were moments when I would decline every invitation because I just didn’t feel ready.
However, as I became more open to friendship, I realized some co-workers were genuinely trying to build connections.
So, if a co-worker invites you to grab a coffee or join a weekend activity, say yes!
Studies suggest it takes about 90 hours of interaction to become a “casual” friend but more than 200 hours to turn that into a close friendship.
Don’t isolate yourself.
3. Connect with Friends of Friends
Another way to find friends as an adult? Then befriending your friends’ friends might be a great idea, too.
Your friend is already a testament to your character. Birds of the same feather flock together. So if your friend likes these people, then there’s a high chance you’ll like them, too!
So, if you have a friend who invites you to a social gathering, consider saying “yes” (even if your first instinct is to say “no”).
I’ve noticed that we introverts sometimes could be a little exclusive, which means we’re not very open to strangers or new faces. But we have to take the instinct to isolate down!
The more, the merrier, right?
4. Find community at a Church
I’m not out here preaching my faith, but hey, I will share with you that my social circle has expanded probably more than 20 times more at church compared to the last 5 years I’ve been working at home. Lol.
If you adhere to a faith, join a local church, and you’ll surely find friends with whom you can have fellowship.
Active churches are filled with community events, volunteer opportunities, and small-group gatherings encouraging fellowship. Yep, it’s a great place to find support emotionally, mentally, and spiritually!
5. Join a Local Group
Many introverts thrive when they can connect with others through shared hobbies. Join book clubs. Craft circles. Surely, you will find your people through clubs.
If you’re a mom, the local community most likely have a group for you. In our barangay, we have groups for seniors, the PWDs (persons with disabilities), moms, and working women.
They organize Zumba dances every week. I sometimes feel the desire to join them, only that I’m in a different age bracket. *sigh*
They also perform in festivals filled with colorful costumes and cooperate in community volunteering, too.
You just have to actively seek a group! Surely, your community have one for you.
6. Make Friends Through Sports
If you enjoy staying active, sports can be an amazing way to bond with others who share your passion. Whenever I hear someone mention they play badminton, my eyes light up, and my immediate response is, “Let’s play!” From there, we’ll set a time and make the connection effortlessly.
It doesn’t have to be a high-energy sport, either. Even something like bowling can create shared experiences. I’m not very sporty, but I know it takes the pressure off of filling every moment with chatter. You’re focusing on the game, added with some seriousness and good laughs.
Feel free to accept invitations to sporting events, even if they’re outside your comfort zone. It might surprise you how fulfilling it can be. People naturally bond over common goals, and team activities provide a sense of connection without requiring you to be overly social.
Additional Tips for the Introvert Trying to Make Friends
- Be genuinely interested in people: You don’t have to pretend interested, if you’re actually listening and tickling your curiousity through their words! Ask questions and listen—it’s one of the most effective ways to forge authentic connections.
- Surround yourself with groups: Instead of avoiding social settings altogether, try to expose yourself to groups gradually. Small doses of social interaction help you build friendships without overwhelming your energy.
- Be okay with “awkward” silence: It’s fine! Don’t fear awkward silences, and don’t try to forcefully initiate conversations. Just be you! Be purposeful in your words.
- Always carry a smile: Smiling makes you approachable and sets a warm tone for interactions. And this can actually improve your mood.
- Accept people’s invitations: Even if you feel hesitant, try saying “yes” a little more often. You can always leave early, but accepting an invitation opens the door to unexpected, positive experiences.
- Don’t overthink your actions: Socializing as an adult can feel like walking on a tightrope, but in reality, most people are too caught up in their own thoughts to notice every little thing you do. Relax and focus on enjoying yourself.
That’s it! These are the main things I did to find new friends and reconnect with old friends as an adult. You just have to be out there, willing to join a crowd. Sooner or later, you will find the gang you’re looking for!
Take care and God bless!
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