*This post may contain affiliate links. That means I may earn a small commission from qualifying purchases or sign-ups at certainly no additional cost to you! Thanks!*
Want to make friends as an adult? Yep, this can be pretty hard compared to when we were kids.
The introvert in me used to instinctively run away from people. I even took pride with how I can deal with life alone. But boy was I wrong.
Working from home is a lonely road, so even for an introvert, I soon realized that life is way better when you have good people around you. That I can’t go anywhere far if I’m gonna do it alone.
After years of isolation, I yearned for people’s connection. And here’s where my journey to making friends started. So far, I’ve made many in 3 months (Aug-October), and it IS fun!
So what did I do to gain friends?
Here’s how I did it!
How To Make Friends As an Introverted Adult
1. Reconnect with Old Friends
It’s kinda intimidating to reach out to your old friends at first, especially when years have passed without a single word with each other.
“What’s the occasion?” they might think. Well, we have to get past that fear and send them a message.
Truth is, reconnecting with old friends can actually deepen your bond, way more than when you’re younger.
You’ve shared fun, whimsical, and nostalgic memories in the past, right? And now that you’ve grown older, believe me, it will take ages to catch up and reload each other with new stories and adventures.
For introverts, friendships tend to be more about depth. You’ll likely pick up where you left off—filled with laughs, heart-to-hearts, and maybe open up the dramas currently happening in your lives.
There’s a heartwarming beauty in reconnecting with true friends. They understand where you came from and somehow understand where you are right now because they are in the same stage as you.
Plus, who doesn’t love a good throwback conversation? With old friends, there’s no shortage of those!
2. Make Your Co-Workers Your Friends
In the workplace? Ugh, can’t take the tension and false fronts just to constantly save face at work.
However, despite our disdain towards the competition, take heart because you never know; there might be kindred spirits lurking just under your nose!
Some of them might share your values, interests, and even your desire to connect on a deeper level, so be more open towards your co-workers.
You don’t need to force a connection with ALL your co-workers, especially if you dislike their guts. Instead, pay attention to who you naturally vibe with.
As an introvert, I know how long it can take before you warm up to people. I struggled with this initially, too. There were moments when I would decline every invitation because I feel dragged and forced.
However, as I became more open to friendship, I realized some co-workers were genuinely trying to build connections.
So, if a co-worker invites you to grab a coffee or join a weekend activity, say yes!
Studies suggest it takes about 90 hours of interaction to become a “casual” friend but more than 200 hours to turn that into a close friendship.
Don’t isolate yourself.
3. Connect with Friends of Friends
Another way to find friends as an adult? Befriending your friends’ friends!
Your friend is already a testament to your character. Birds of the same feather flock together, remember?
So if your friend likes these people, then there’s a high chance you’ll like them, too!
That said, if you have a friend who invites you to a social gathering, consider saying “yes” (even if your first instinct is to say “no”).
I’ve noticed that we introverts sometimes could be a little exclusive, which means we’re not very open to strangers or new faces. But we have to take the instinct to isolate down and be open to getting to know others.
The more, the merrier!
4. Find community at a Church
I’m not out here preaching my faith (at least, not in this post lol) but hey, a church would multiply your social circles to numbers you didn’t imagine!
I was quite desperate with making friends, you see, so I decided to go back to church and join a ministry. Despite being an introvert, I made it to the ushering ministry. Haha! Yes the first weeks were hard and overwhelming because I was adjusting, but now, it seems like I could talk to the whole church.
If you adhere to a faith, join a local church, and you’ll surely find friends with whom you can have fellowship.
Active churches are filled with community events, volunteer opportunities, and small-group gatherings encouraging fellowship. Yep, it’s a great place to find support emotionally, mentally, and spiritually!
5. Join a Local Group
Many introverts thrive when they can connect with others through shared hobbies.
This is your time to go hunt for book clubs, or craft circles. Surely, you will find people as passionate and committed to an interest through clubs.
If you’re a mom, the local community most likely have a group for you. In our barangay, we have groups for seniors, the PWDs (persons with disabilities), moms, and working women.
They organize Zumba dances every week. I wanted to join them actually, only that I’m in a different age bracket. I feel shy *sigh*
They also perform in festivals filled with colorful costumes and cooperate in community volunteering, too.
You just have to actively seek a group! Surely, your community have one for you.
6. Make Friends Through Sports
If you enjoy staying active, sports can be an amazing way to bond with others who share your passion.
Whenever I hear someone mention they play badminton, my eyes light up, and my immediate response is, “Let’s play!” From there, we’ll set a time and make the connection effortlessly.
It doesn’t have to be a high-energy sport, either. Even something like bowling can create shared experiences. I’m not very sporty (although I like badminton), but I know sports takes the pressure off of filling every moment with chatter. You’re focusing on the game, anyway!
Feel free to accept invitations to sporting events, even if they’re outside your comfort zone.
It might surprise you how fulfilling it can be. People naturally bond over common goals, and team activities provide a sense of connection without requiring you to be overly social.
Additional Tips for the Introvert Trying to Make Friends
- Be genuinely interested in people: Get out of your head, and focus on what they’re saying. Be genuinely curious! I found out people love to talk, especially when they have advice or experiences to share. It can go from discussing your career, hobbies, family, and even health problems. Haha! Health issues will surely take a long while to talk about.
- Surround yourself with groups: Instead of avoiding social settings altogether, try to expose yourself to groups gradually. Small doses of social interaction help you build friendships without overwhelming your energy. But most importantly, DON’T RUN AWAY FROM GROUPS AND INVITATIONS!
- Be okay with “awkward” silence: It’s fine! Don’t fear awkward silences, and don’t try to forcefully initiate conversations. Just be you! If you run out of words, don’t panic. Just keep your silence. Being purposeful in your words is better than empty chatter.
- Always carry a smile: Smiling makes you approachable and sets a warm tone for interactions. And this can actually improve your mood. Smile more often. Look at people and don’t act like you don’t see them, okay? It takes practice but you’ll get the hang of always greeting people with a smile.
- Accept people’s invitations: Even if you feel hesitant, try saying “yes” a little more often. You can always leave early, but accepting an invitation opens the door to unexpected, positive experiences. They will remember you and would want to include you in the next gatherings!
- Don’t overthink your actions: Socializing as an adult can feel like walking on a tightrope, but in reality, most people are too caught up in their own thoughts to notice every little thing you do. Relax and focus on enjoying yourself.
That’s it! These are the main things I did to find new friends and reconnect with old friends as an adult. You just have to be out there, willing to join a crowd. Sooner or later, you will find the gang you’re looking for!
Take care and God bless!
You may also like: